I Didn't Kiss River Phoenix

or, My Mildly Interesting Life in The General Vicnity of the Spotlight

I had an exchange with the incomparable Stroopwaffled last week (she kissed River Phoenix, in case you were wondering) and it had me thinking about some of my own “brushes” with celebrity. This is not a bragging or one-upping type of post at all. It is just simply what is.

You see, I grew up in Los Angeles. Very Hollywood adjacent (although very few of the folks I knew actually lived in Hollywood). I attended a private school in Santa Monica. Not because we were wealthy (we most decidedly were not), but because my father was one of the first teachers that had been hired there when it opened in 1971. My dad moved on to another private school and had several celebrities as students. Many of my classmates were the children of very wealthy people, some of whom were celebrities. Actors, musicians, athletes, etc. From a relatively early age, I was celebrity-adjacent and I think that it informed a lot of the rest of my life.

I am not impressed with or awed by celebrity, generally speaking*. I have never been tongue-tied when meeting someone famous, or been flustered when in conversation with someone who is considered a celebrity. I am not in any way discounting or minimizing how other people feel. I love when I see folks who meet their celebrity idol or crush and the experience is an amazing and wonderful one for them. Even more so when that famous person gives genuine attention and recognition in return. Because remember: they can only remain celebrities because of Regular People. But I digress.

Crossroads School for the Arts & Sciences, Class of 1989

When I tell people that I grew up in L.A., I am invariably asked “did you know any movie stars?” Yes. Yes, I did. In fact, I counted some of them among my friends and got to perform with a number of them. And by and large, most of them were really genuinely wonderful people. And of course, some of them were not.

I was chased around the playground in early elementary school and kissed by Gwennyth Paltrow. Several years later we were reunited and danced at my friend’s Bar Mitzvah. She wore a powder blue dress.

Rob Newhart (son of Bob) was one of my babysitters. One of my favorites, in fact.

I performed on stage, acting and singing, with Jack Black. Most of us knew even back then that he was going to be a star one day. And he was as kind and delightful as you would hope.

I sang with Robbie Robertson (of The Band) at his daughter’s graduation. Incredibly gracious and kind.

I got to play Roy Orbison’s piano in his Malibu home. His wife Barbara was an absolute saint.

I was bullied by Neil Diamond’s son. Guy was a dick.

I gave Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn a parent tour of the school as part of my required “School Service”, while my friend took their daughter on the student tour.

I watched from a distance as Gary Coleman struggled to acclimate to being on a regular school schedule and “fit in”. He was unkind to many people, but he was also a very sad and angry young man, from my observation.

I competed (in a very friendly and good-natured way) with Sean Astin to see who could do the most pullups. We also had Bio together and were differentiated by our teacher as “Sean-o” (me) and “Sean-e” (him) for some reason. I am still a huge fan and would love to have beers with him some day.

I got to sing a backup track on a Manhattan Transfer album because my friend’s dad Richard Rudolph was the producer.

St. Augustine-by-the-Sea; some of my classmates and me in c.1979

I got to play hooky and visit the set of The Love Boat because my friend’s dad was “Gopher”.

One of my most-trusted sources for news these days was actually a classmate of mine throughout elementary school, and then a student of my father’s in high school.

Quite a few of my friends had parents who worked “in the industry”, so I met a lot of people through them.

I was at a holiday party in 7th grade when Anthony Perkins showed up.

I was at the same house another time for my friend’s birthday when I met a really cool guy named River, and we actually kept in touch for a while after that. Interestingly enough, not too long after that, someone from a studio came to our school to do some readings for a film they were working on, looking for boys my age. I read a script along with a number of my friends to a Stephen King project called “The Body.” You may know it by its final name, Stand By Me. River got the part of Chris Chambers, the part I had read for.

We had a scholarship fundraiser (I think it was) and this was the event:

So again, this is simply what I knew growing up. And why I am disinterested in the idea of celebrity for celebrity sake. I do love hearing people’s stories, though. Random encounters with Famous People can be very entertaining.

So that is what I am musing about on this Monday…

* I will add the caveat that there are one or two individuals who might give me pause if I were to have the opportunity to meet and interact with them, purely out of the respect and admiration I have for their talent and work, or their creation of something that I genuinely love. And I am keeping those names to myself.